The Lazy Days of Summer
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: As concern over Steel's mental state grows, Sapphire attempts get him to relax with an old-fashioned picnic. Written for Element Flash Prompt - Mistaken for gay


For Gevr  
Prompt - Illya and Spike

"Oi, watch were you're going!"

"Sorry, I didn't know this ditch was occupied."

"Hey, can't a guy even take… do I smell blood? That you?"

Cough. "Yes, I was at a party and didn't want to stay anymore."

"And they worked you over for it? Tough crowd. You remind me of someone… "

"Who?"

"Um, my brother… lost him a long time ago. He had hair like yours. Eyes, too… Come on, don't pass out on me. Come on, wake up. Hey, mate, what's your name? "

"What? Sorry… It's Kuryakin."

"Sounds Russian, but you sound English. Oxford?"

"Close. Cambridge. Good school, better people."

"Shh!" A long pause. There are some people headed in this direction. They the ones?"

"Yes."

"Sit tight. I'll see what I can do about changing their minds for them."

"Don't. You don't know what these men are like… what's happened to your face?"

"I have a condition. It's called being dead and let's just say, they don't know what I'm like. You rest. It's time for me to have a little fun!"

"Why would you do this for me?"

"We Cambridge lads, we have to stick together."

"Kuryakin, are you still with me?"

"Painfully, yes."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better, but I had an odd dream. I thought you told me you were undead… like a zombie…"

"Those losers? Naw, vampire more like. Listen, found a mate of yours wandering around looking for you. He should be  
along in a mo. But as for me, the sun will be coming in a few minutes, so I need to leave."

"Thank you. Wait. I owe you my life and I don't even know your name."

"William, but you can call me Spike."

For Jkkitty  
Prompt: Illya and Sherlock

"My word, Kuryakin! Is there anything I can do?"

"I'm not sure. All we have are these animal entrails. Napoleon has gone to interview the witnesses in the main house to see if they have any clues as to their meaning."

"I don't think he's going to get much out of them."

"Why do you say that?"

"First, it is a rather foggy day and the likelihood that they were actually able to see anything is rare. I suspect these game animals were slaughtered and then gutted, possibly for food."

"Why would you say that?

"Because of what was left behind, the stomach, pancreas, intestines. Not edible by most. As for the remains, it's alimentary. The game's afoot"

I did warn you that I can't write Sherlock...

For Ravena_kade  
Prompt: Spock and Willow

"You shouldn't be out here, mister."

"Pardon me, Miss? I was wondering if you could direct me to… I believe it's called The Bronze?"

"The Bronze? Sure, why don't I take you there? What are you doing wandering around a cemetery this late at night?"

"I am looking for someone."

"Hey, me, too. Don't take offense, but your hat is a little warm for this weather."

"I am told it is a fashion statement."

"Well, whoever told you that better keep his daytime job... Look out! Get off. Be careful!"

"Are you injured, Miss?"

"Willow. Ow, no, not really just in sort of a tiny kinda way.

"Willow? That the name of a tree."

"And me. What about you?"

"Spock."

"You don't hear that one every day. You don't usually see vamps 'poof' like that every day. Hey… your hat! It's  
gone."

"My…?"

"Don't tell me you're a demon, too! When Buffy said we were after a Paraga Demon, I thought he'd be more with 'eeeee'  
and less of the 'ahhhh'."

"You are referring to my ears."

"They're not so bad, considering some of them that I've seen. What I don't get was why that vamp didn't bite… wait, he did. Your neck is bleeding… sort of."

"My neck?"

"It's green. Let me guess – another accident?"

"Yes."

"The Bronze is just over there. It sounds like they're having a party or something. They sound pretty wild in there."

"Then that's where I will find my captain. He plays best to a willing crowd."

"Here, let me wipe your neck and you might want to put your hat back on. Most people aren't as cool with demons as I am."

"Thank you. I will endeavor to keep from drawing further attention to myself."

"Good luck with that in this town. Hey, Buffy! Over here! I want to your meet someone. Now where did he go?"

For Missdiane  
Prompt - Napoleon and Lt. Barclay.

"Excuse me, are you Napoleon Solo?"

"That's right. Have we met? I don't seem to recall—"

"No, never before. I'm Lt Barclay and I need your help… your special kind of help."

"I'm not sure I'm following you, Mr… Lt. Barclay. What sort of special help do you mean?"

"I've been watching you a long time-"

"Really?"

"Not like that. I… well, you see… there's a… a woman."

"Ah, that sort of help. You have come to the right place, Lt. You want some pointers?"

"Please. You are so suave and comfortable around women and I'm… not. Hopeless?"

"Never! If I can housetrain Illya, I can do anything."

"Your… partner?"

"Hahaha, no, and if he heard me say that, there would be no living with him. One of the secretaries was trying to  
train her puppy."

"She named a dog Illya?"

"It's a long story. The point is, he is now housetrained and if can help him, I'm sure I'll be of service to you."

"Thanks. You don't know how I appreciate this."

"First point, as lovely and charming as the female of the species is, they are basically the same as us. They want to  
be respected and listened to. I have found that just listening will save you a bevy of worry."

"But how?"

"Just talk. Say hello, ask about her health, and then tell her she's pretty, intelligent, funny, whatever attracted you to her. Remember you are just meeting, not heading down the aisle. Do you have any female friends?"

"Of course."

"Then talk to her like you do them. There's nothing wrong with being friends first. Mostly, don't be in a hurry. Good things come to those who wait."

"I'll… I'll try. It's just she's so… so… you know."

"Indeed I do, which is why it's all the more important that you treat her first like a person and hopefully a friend. Who knows if the sparks will fly, but they won't unless you shake free of your insecurities and at least try. More has been lost to a fear of trying than to trying and failing. The answer is always no unless you ask."

"Thanks, Mr. Solo. I appreciate your help."

"It's my pleasure, Lt. Barclay. By the way, are you in the Navy?"

"In a manner of speaking. Computer, end hologram program Barclay 7-G. I sure hope you are right, Mr. Solo."

For Alton_lust  
Prompt - Waverly and Minions

"Bello"

"What? Oh, hello. You are one of Mr. Kuryakin's little yellow friends, aren't you?"

"Kupadi!"

"Yes, well I can certainly agree with that, whatever that is… did you need something?"

"Para tu."

"You are giving me this report?"

"Underwear."

"Speak up, please. You are mumbling."

"Para tu? Da Kupadi"

"Oh, Mr. Kuryakin's report. And you've illustrated it. How… helpful."

"Pokata."

"Yes, I do believe I see some polka dots. Miss Samuels, will you ask Mr. Kuryakin to join us?"

"Kupadi?"

"Yes, Kupadi. I think I have a very important mission. No, put the bazooka away. This will require stealth, cunning and wit. Most important, it will be far away from here."

"Tank ku! Tulaliloo ti amo!"

"You are welcome. Please stop kissing me."

"No muka, muka, muka?"

"Or that either. Why I agree to this, I will never know. Oh, that's right, you work for peanuts."

"Pinukes? No, mananas…"

Minion speak  
Bello - Hello  
Kupad - Kuryakin  
Para tu – for you  
Underwear – I swear  
Pokata - whatever  
Tank ku – thank you  
Tulaliloo ti amo - I love you  
Muka, muka, muka – kiss, kiss  
Pinukes - peanuts  
Mananas - bananas

for Ducky's Lady  
Prompt: Illya and Minions

"Yes, sir, I'm here as… oh, there you are, Kevin."

"Bello"

"I think Bob and Stuart are looking for you. Um, Bob Stuart, miro ti."

"Okay… oh, boss, boss!"

"Yes."

"Taka mi wacko."

"Of that I have no doubt."

"Poopaye."

"Wait. Sir, you said that you needed to talk with me."

"Yes, Mr. Kuryakin. There is a mission that I think can use your particular talent for creative mayhem. We have the  
location of a THRUSH stronghold. I want you to take your friends and do what you do best – rescue Mr. Solo."

"Boom boom?"

"Most definitely boom boom."

"Tank yu!"

****  
"Kevin?"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"You take the left flank and go around the back. Don't do anything until you hear from me. Got that?"

"Yeah, yeah, underwear…"

"Stuart. I need for you and Bob to take the right flank and create a diversion."

"Okie. Pphtbb."

"Awwww."

"You'll get your chance, Kevin. I promise. Do you all have your communicators? Good. Use Channel M and let me know  
if you find Napoleon? Is everyone ready?"

"Yu betch."

"Good luck. I have a feeling we are going to need it."

"Boss! Boss!"

"I'm a little busy, Stuart."

"Napito!"

"You found Napoleon? Good job, is he okay?"

"Yeah. Muka do."

"He's… sleeping? Can you get him out of the building?"

"Sure, sure, poopaye."

"You do that and it's gelato and mananas for everyone… is that cheering?"

"Me want banana!"

"I'm hungry, too. The sooner you get him out, the sooner we can blow this place and go home."

"Kevin, can you hear me?"

"Sure, boss."

"Remember all that C-4 you were making sculptures out of? Do you still have it?"

"Yeah."

"Then it's time to give these guys something to think about.

"Boom boom?"

"Yu betch"

"Freeze, Kuryakin. I don't know how you did it, but your interfering days are over."

"That's why it such a pleasure doing business with THRUSH. They never quite know which end of the stick to grasp."

"What the hell are you babbling about? We have your partner and now we have you. Soon you'll tell us everything you know."

"I think that perhaps you might want to rethink your strategy. Rather it is I who have you?"

"What with? All I see is one sorry excuse of an UNCLE agent."

"One sorry excuse of an UNCLE agent and his minion cousins."

"His what? What the… what are they? No, don't… help! Ouch! Stop!"

"Luk at tu. Bananonina…

"We want him alive, Stuart."

"AWWWWWW"

"Thanks, guys, now, let's get Napoleon home and then it's bananas and ice cream on me. And let that be a lesson to you, my THRUSH friend. Never underestimate the power of fruit!"

"Kampai!

Minion translations  
Bello - hello  
miro ti - looking for you  
Taka mi wacko – he's crazy  
Poopaye - goodbye  
Boom boom - explosions  
Tank yu - thank you  
Underwear – I swear  
Yu betch – You bet  
Napito - Napoleon  
Muka do - Sleeping  
Gelato – ice cream  
Mananas - bananas  
Me want banana – I am hungry  
Luk at tu – Look at you  
Bananonina - Ugly  
Kampai - Cheers

For Sparky955  
Prompt: Kate Weston and Sapphire. Kate Westin is the wife of Dan Westin (David McCallum), the 1975 version of _The Invisible Man_.

"Danny, where are you? Danny?!"

"Have you lost someone?"

"Oh, I didn't see you standing there. I could have sworn I was alone."

"I'm frequently overlooked. In my line of work, it's often a great advantage."

"Who could over look you? I wish I had your figure."

"Thank you."

"Is something wrong? You went quiet all of a sudden."

"Oh, just thinking of someone. He was supposed to meet me here, but he's been delayed.

"You, too? I guess we're just a couple of stood up dates. I'm Kate Westin, by the way."

"I am Sapphire."

"That's a lovely name and it certainly suits you. Even your eyes glow like sapphires."

"You are Dr. Westin, part of the KLAE Foundation."

"I am, my husband and I work for them."

"You are a long way from California."

"Yes, well we were sent here to meet with someone, but it's all been a wild goose chase, if you ask me. The person never showed and now my husband has run off."

"Your husband has special attributes."

"Yes, he can annoy me faster than any other person on the planet. He knows I hate waiting. What are you smiling about?"

"I can appreciate your sense of frustration, my partner, Steel, also has a similar streak of independence at the worst possible time. However I was speaking of his other talents."

"I… I'm not sure I follow you."

"When someone is actually able to harness invisibility, it is a worthwhile notation."

"I don't know what you mean."

"It is all right, Dr. Weston. Your husband's secret is safe with us, just as long as he remembers that Time is not a friend, no matter what it whispers to him. It cannot be control, merely contained."

"I'll be sure to tell him that when I see him."

"Perhaps it shouldn't wait that long. Take this."

"What is it?"

"It is the key to making your husband's machine work properly… next time."

"But who are you?"

"I told you. I am Sapphire… and a friend. Keep him safe, for there is more danger than even he realizes. The longer he stays as he is, the worse the consequences.

"And if he won't?"

"Then all of this goes away. The fate of the world quite literally rests upon his doing the right thing. Help him, Kate. And now I must go. Please think about what I have said. Do not let him linger. For both your sakes, make him listen this time, Doctor."

"Thank you… I think. Wait… where did she go?"

"Where did who go?"

"Danny! Finally. We have to go right now."

"What's the rush?"

"I'll tell you in the car. Just hurry."

For Sallymn  
Prompt: Ducky (NCIS) and Sapphire

"Steel? Don't you remember me? What's happened to you? You're old."

"I'm not that old. I'm sorry, young lady. You have obviously mistaken me for someone else. My name is Donald Mallard, but my friends call me Ducky."

"This isn't possible. You must try to remember, Steel. We were sent here, our powers taken in an attempt to save us.* We became separated. When They called us back, we couldn't find you. I looked, so did Silver and Lead."

"Miss, I think you need a glass of water or perhaps something a wee bit stronger. Who was this Steel person to you, a brother, perhaps?"

"My partner. We worked together. We were… very close."

"Well, I could certainly understand that. It would be very easy to become attached to such a lovely lady. However, I can assure you that whoever you are looking for, I am not he."

"Yes, you are. You are simply confused. You have been human so long that you no longer remember who you are. You are Steel. You have to remember."

"My dear, I do know who I am. I had a mother, a father, and a brother."

"It's an illusion."

"No, it is not."

"But… you have to be him. We've looked so long. I've looked so long."

"Why don't you take a rest? My car is right over here. I can take you back to your hotel. My word, how did you do  
that? Your clothes are entirely altered."

"No do you believe I am who I am?"

"And who are you?"

"Can't you remember? Tully? Or the diner where we were trapped. The faceless photos, the time machine?"

"Calm yourself. You are become quite agitated."

"How can I be calm? I've finally found you and you are still lost to me. Copernicium was right."

"Who?"

"Copernicium. He was the one who determined our weak point and led the attack. He'd attached himself to Gold. He said that Time has no power in itself, only that which we give it. You have permitted it to age you and cleanse your mind of everything that was."

"I beg your pardon. If you are going to insult me, then I will just be on my way."  
"Steel."

"Ducky."

"No, I can't believe that. I won't."

"Whatever you chose to believe, my dear, is entirely up to you. I am as I have ever been, Doctor Donald Mallard."

"No..."

"Yes, we are quite through. This is my car and I am going home. Now, good bye."

"Farewell."

"Where did you go…? Sapphire…?"

* reference No Way Out

For Lost_Spook  
Prompt: Sapphire and Giles.

My apologies for the delay in this. Real life has been kicking my butt this week.

"Excuse me, have you seen a young woman pass by? There would be a red haired girl and a brash young man with her."

"I think perhaps I did see someone fitting that description in the fiction section."

"You are English?"

"After a fashion."

"May I help you find something? You frequently need a roadmap to figure out the Sunnydale Library."

"No, I am just waiting for my partner to finish up some business. I love libraries. So quiet, so peaceful. So… fragrant, I suppose is as good a word as any. I love how books smell."

"My… my word, are you a librarian, too?"

"Of a fashion. Everyone comes to me for answers, which I might or might not have. Knowledge is my power."

"May I ask your name? Mine is Rupert Giles."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Mr. Giles. I am Sapphire."

"What a charming name. It rather goes with your dress and your eyes.

"You said, too, Mr. Giles. You are a librarian?"

"Among other things."

"And these children you seek?"

"They are my charges, I suppose you'd call them. And I do my best to protect them."

"You sound like Steel."

"If only I were as strong as steel and as resolute."

"You know him?"

"No, I was merely… never mind. Do you live around here?"

"No, we are only visiting. Once Steel finishes, we will leave."

"Ah, this Steel chap, he's your… um… your boyfriend, I assume? Oh, you have a lovely laugh."

"He's my partner. We work together."

"Oh… that's… disappointing. I had rather hope to have you over for tea."

"You are very kind, Mr. Giles, and there is nothing I would like better, but Time is against us…"

"Are you all right, Miss Sapphire? You look… hello, are you all right?"

"I must go, Mr. Giles, but I can assure you that your problem has been dealt with. I hope you have a very good  
evening and keep up the good work."

"Thank you… Oh,"

"Giles, Giles, you are never going to guess what happened?"

"As you are likely to tell me, Xander, I await your prescience with breathless anticipation."

"My what now?"

"Giles, it was so cool. There was this guy. The Precarie Demon tried to stab him and couldn't make the sword go  
through him. Then he grabbed the sword away from the demon and snapped it. It was like he was made of… of…"

"Steel?"

"Yeah. The demon 'poofed' and the vortex went bye-bye and then this woman showed up and they just vanished…. Are you okay, Giles?"

"Yes… yes, quite, Willow. This woman, was she all in blue?"

"Yeah, that's her. She was gorgeous."

"She most certainly was."

For A_phoenixdragon  
Prompt: Illya and the Ninth Doctor.

My apologies if this version of The Doctor sounds a bit like Ten. He's the one I'm most comfortable writing.

"Run!"

"What?"

"Not what. Run, NOW!"

What are we running from?"

"You don't want to know?"

"Actually I do. I'm armed."

"Me, too, and legged. Use them!"

"Enough! We've been running for ten minutes and there's no sign that we are being followed."

"That's what they want you to think. They are merely biding their time. Is that a gun?"

"Walther P-38. I'm not exactly helpless."

"Against these creatures, you are. I'm the Doctor, by the way."

"Doctor who?"

"Blimey, if I had a pound for every time I've heard that joke. Just The Doctor."

"But I know The Doctor and you look nothing like him."

"Trust me, it's a long story and we need to move again. Wait… you're Kuryakin, aren't you? Hair's a bit longer now."

"Yes, I am and no, it isn't. How do you know me?"

"If you said we met before, then we must have. My brain gets a bit blurred after a regeneration. I can't always access everything immediate. Illya, we have to move."

"Why? What is after us?"

"That."

"What the hell?"

"Exactly. Stop! Don't shoot it, you'll only annoy it. Now you've done it. We need to get back to the TARDIS."

"The what?"

"Stop asking me questions and run!"

"This thing… it's…"

"Bigger on the inside. Time Lord logic. It's what we do."

"What is that thing, Doctor?"

"It's called a Reaper. And it does exactly that. It's an aberration. It followed us somehow, Rose and me."

"There's an innocent involved?"

"She's not an innocent. She's the one responsible for them. It's my guess that one of them attached itself to her."

"So now what?"

"I don't know! I've never dealt with this before today… last night… whenever it was."

"How do we stop it?"

"We can't. That's the problem. When the time rip was repaired, it should have been sent back to wherever they come from. This one is different. It's a devil from hell"

"My grandmother used to tell me to fight the devil you need an angel."

"Say that again."

"My grandmother-"

"Is brilliant!"

"Okay, I do not hug, Doctor."

"Blimey, you're uptight."

"No, just… don't."

"Fine. Then consider yourself hugged and hope to God this works."

"What is that?"

"It's called a weeping angel."

"We're fighting that with a stone statue?"

"Just watch and don't blink."

"What just happened?"

"You blinked."

"Not on purpose."

"The angels are creatures that can turn things to stone. I was hoping that if felt threatened, it would protect itself."

"And turned the Reaper into stone?"

"And then by me showing it its reflection in the mirror, I, in turn, turned it into stone. Once again all ready for  
storage."

"How did you…?"

"I didn't, but, thankfully, my memory moves in both direction."

"That sounds… inconvenient."

"You have no idea. Now, it's best to be off with you. Your partner has arrived and is looking for you. Everyone  
else in the building is dead and he fears the worse."

"Thank you, Doctor. You always seem to know just when to show up."

"Let's hope it continues that way. Be careful, Illya. The best is yet to come."

"What—"

"Ah, no spoilers, as a friend of mine will be fond of saying."

For Ragnarok_08  
Prompt - Illya and Buffy?

This is the last of the dialogue meme requests. I hope that you have enjoyed reading these pieces. Maybe we'll do it again soon!

"Hey, Mister, are you okay?"

"Wha… what happ…"

"Don't know. There are some real uglies out here tonight. Come on, let's get you up..."

"You're strong."

"Yeah, pilates at the Y."

"Ah!"

"Ankle?'

"So it would appear."

"Not so cool. This is not the place to be hanging tonight, what with the full moon and all."

"Why? What happens on a full moon, aside from a high tide?"

"You sounds like Giles and even he knows to not to poking around the dark corners of Sunnydale without an escort."

"Sunnydale? Is that there this is?"

"Home, sweet home. Shh, wait here a minute."

"That was a long minute."

"You've heard of Island time? Well, that was a Sunnydale minute. Let's get you inside. Nights can be hazardous to  
your health around here."

"This is a very unique place. I've never seen a town of this size with so many cemeteries."

"Tell me about it."

"And yet I meet someone like you in one, so it can't be an entirely bad thing."

"Go figure. I'm that kinda girl. You never know when or where I'm gonna show."

"Yet I have the distinct impression that I owe my very existence at this moment to you and I don't even know your name  
to thank you."

"It's no big. It's kinda what I do. You can call me Buffy. You?"

"Illya."

"What do you do for a living? You seem in pretty good shape for a businessman."

"Suffice it to say that I try stop bad guys from winning."

"Sounds like we're in the same line of work, then. So, Illya, how's your ankle?"

"Better, why?"

"We have company. Take this."

"A wooden stake?"

"Questions later, fight NOW!"

"Should I even ask?"

"It's better if you don't. It'll make your world get all wiggy if I tell you. What's that noise?"

"Same answer. Excuse me, open Channel D. I am here, Napoleon."

"Are you okay? I've been trying to reach you. Listen, THRUSH is on the move. I need you to get down to LA as soon  
as you can by any means possible."

"Understood. Kuryakin out."

"And again with the, huh?"

"It's a long story. We'd best stick to the basics. In my world THRUSH is the bad guy and they are getting ready to  
supply uranium to people best left without it."

"It takes something else to make vamps seem tame. Hey, I have a friend who's about to leave for LA tonight. He'd get  
you there in a couple of hours as opposed to you waiting for a flight or a bus."

"That would be perfect. Buffy, what would I have done without you tonight?"

"Survived. You have that sense around you."

"Anytime you are ready to move beyond Sunnydale, please give us a call. UNCLE could use people like you."

"Sounds nice, but this is sort of a lifelong job with a short shelf life."

"You have just described my job to a T."

"I always wondered about that. Why a T? Why not a B or an F or even a P. Why T?"

"You are an extraordinary young woman."

"Thanks. It was nice meeting you, Illya."

"I feel safe to say that it was a life changing opportunity meeting you, Buffy."

"Gosh, I've never had my hand kissed before. C'mon, let's go catch Oz before he takes off. Oh, what do you think  
about Dingos Ate my Baby?"

"I beg your pardon?"


End file.
